You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
