we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
