I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
