Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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