Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize