mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize