Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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