Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
