i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
