Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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