we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
she peed on how many people?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I need to calm my uterus...
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