i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
MIDGETS
????
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
