Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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