i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i can't believe i had my finger in that
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
