Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize