WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
