She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
