I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
