I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
