We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
the day after is always just damage control
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Randomize
