fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
