I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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