if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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