Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i just had sex bonerless
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
