we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
