then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
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