I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
