if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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