So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
