I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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