There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
