idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
