She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
