Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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