Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize