i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize