I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize