Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
