when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
