everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
