i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
