apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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