I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
