My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You were trust falling into bushes
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
