well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
