I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
