remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
