I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize
