ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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