Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
