He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
you traded sex for a burrito?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
