yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
