On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
