He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
