Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
