By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Randomize
