I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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