i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
