I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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