Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
