Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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