well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Houston, we have a squirter
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Randomize
