I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
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