I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
