i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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