I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
