i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
