Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
and you fell through a lawn chair
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
