he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
she smelled like a LAN party
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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