I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize