I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
