Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
