my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
