I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
