Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize