it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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