You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize