Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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