I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
