I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
