sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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