Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
