I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
