Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
