I'm eating all of the evidence.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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