Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
These tits shall not be calmed
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