the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize