guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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