Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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