I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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