he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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