he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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