Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You're a waste of cheezeits
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
