My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
