ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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