I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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